My Saturday should supposedly be the relaxing closure of my arduous and tiresome work, (whose) job description is as crazy as my frizzy hair because I forgot to see my looks against the busy workstation. But work did not seem to slip off my system that I still had the feeling of carrying the burden. At last, I left my work on pending and planned to watch a movie (maybe Blades of Glory). After moments of paranoia of the next move, I decided to go home instead.

The barangay, to which my crib is situated, happened to organize a disco to celebrate its fiesta. But so sad, any loud sound is a noise to me; it pollutes my mind and keeps me off my sanity. Then, how could I rest? Watching a movie was no good either; I had to keep the volume louder than the background groovy music. My night started to piss me off.

My colleague texted me she could not come to our place. We could have drank and partied all night to loosen up, but she preferred the company of her cousin. I could also have texted some of my friends to party with me but I just could not get the initiative to do so. I was so damn idle I just spent the night watching the people having a good time. The dusty dancefloor (which happened to be a parking lot) was a little inviting but I prefer to be rooted to the place where I stood watching the dancing lights shine onto the partygoers.

I just solved Soduku…

♣ You are not supposed to whimper today but work seemed to become so strenous and problems were like unusual math questions with indefinite answers. You are at the core of the tension, horror-struck to your star-wannabee disciples with different personas like that of a gifted-child - so unpredictable. All you could do is deliver the news, hoping they understood you without any further explanations because you are always slow in making alibis.

You knew everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But they should also consider the abused quote, “Don’t judge the book by its cover” or “Don’t judge if you are not a judge”. But then again, as a free country, you permit the excuse of their freedom of expression.

Intelligent people are not always smart. If they still hold their grudge against you, then that’s insanity.

“What a shame!”, you furiously exclaimed to everyone because you were too weak to withstand the enormous stress against your body that adds up exponentially. How shameful! It could not be erased and rewound, like how The Cardigans changed their minds. Oh no! If only I could turn back time…

But you’ve got no shame, you are now ashamed. And to yourself, What a shame!

Life, sometimes, is unfair. The profit is not commensurate to the single item you sold for a week. The diamond you just bought is only a silver’s worth in the pawnshop. The unconditional love (which is ignored) seems endless, and you still hope for a romance. You are being fair but other seems so unfair.

Your life has been so unfair lately. All of the hardwork does not pay to even half of the cheapest price. You know you have done your part too much to kill your free time, just for the sake of some extra service. It is so alright for you if that service is unrewarded, though you sometimes hope a rainbow has a pot of gold at its end. Just when you thought everything is smooth sailing, disaster struck you like lightning. If you are that optimistic, you would regard it as LUCK because you alone had got the chance to feel the power of the bright roots kissing you while you are working inside; however, the one playing on the field of same-sex dating seems to enjoy the benefits that each one of you should have.

In last night’s soap, Maging Sino Ka Man, Celine (Anne Curtis) was so ferocious with Jackie (Bea Alonso) for the death of the former’s husband. Just like Celine, you wanted someone to blame in order to lessen the burden and pain. But, unlike her, the accused is unknown to you. The bad thing is, you don’t know to whom you put the blame into. The worse thing: the misfortune is second time around. Worst is the ending when you curse your self and the unknown.

You are so down and weary, and when you are face to face to discuss the matter, you seem to become guilty of the psychosis you created from the depression. Another inconceivable weight is added unto the troubled mind and soul when somebody feels the faded atmosphere on your facial expressions. Then, at one point, you think that you are being overacting to things that should be considered gibberish to some people who does not value time and money. In another point, it is even harder when someone you indirectly avert seems to hypothesize with the bad feelings you hide from your smiles.

You are so unfair with yourself. You know you are a good person, that is why you don’t want to just pinpoint somebody. But if you cannot find that somebody, the forefinger goes back to you. Then, from that, you suffer…