not your word press dot com blog
not even his or her wordpress dot com blogArchive for November, 2005
Excuse me from your freedom
Those pathetic students devoured you and that is pathetic, too; nothing’s left of you even just a single dignity against a little of their respect. So sad is your minimal reaction whenever they treated you a dog to play-dead, nevertheless you wished you barked and bit them. The rabies that could somehow make their minds phobic could be a bad aftermath that you could imagine, but if not, there are a lot of instances you hoped would kill their conscience someday. That is all you can do, and sigh with a gritted teeth that is always prone to smiling wherein when that reaches the superlative, gums are like bubble gums. So they thought your bubble gum is too cheap that they would underestimate and spit you with their golden gum. How pathetic to both of you!
You pretended you are so humble but in reality you just can not scream to them the reality that you are in the pedestal higher than their six-feet-under status. From there I learned that people will abuse you when you are empowering them too much freedom, that they would easily forget how is it not to be free. Heck!
Beast of Beauty
Beauty, they say, is in the eyes of the beholder. True. And how the beholder defines beauty is personal, only he can perceive the hidden essence of it; emotional, only he can feel the thrill of its enchantment; and relative, because blood that runs through veins of generation is always thicker than water. If that is so, is beauty really beautiful?
The mockeries to their sensei generated sound waves that crumpled the heart in pain, creating pressure build-ups like that of a kettle whistling. Though the heart was hurt, he faked a good poise that seemed to enjoy the funny descriptions of himself that were narrated by the too confident students. The poet in them multipled by fun and raised to the power of five students had created a perfect imagery of their sensei’s mugshot. Descriptions such as the lack of teeth (that they predicted was due to a fight), the excess of it (that went out of the crowd, like a rabbit nipping for carrots) and gums (that remained me clueless why they wanted to borrow) were nothing fresh, so exposing them again just dispersed the its rancidity. And how they envy his 70’s hairstyle which they complimented as gay (i agree). Sigh. I just could not imagine them to be so mean to their sensei.
I realized the absence of beauty is also a beauty for that makes beauty beautiful. Oh, how beautiful it is not to be beautiful!
Don’t be sorry for me
A blast results when you suppress something so much beyond you could withstand. You could generate a spark when you are in a metallic surface. In my case, the spark from my retainers hummed with the roaring fury from my vocal chords; boomed everyone to silence while I constructed a mirror image of their indolence and loathness. How I wish my enraged speech slash drama lasted a little longer so I could have made a clearer and more defined image of themselves, uglier than what you had seen the ugliest. I gracefully stormed out of the classroom and the conflict had just started.
A student from another class one year behind my class was present during that time. From that setting, I was like the Sully of Monster, Inc., she was Bo and we were in the scene where the little girl saw him scaring the dummy boy. Unlike Bo, that girl became cautious and attentive during our other class. She asked me if I was still mad. I could have told her I am not like other people who throws away temper like the domino effect.
I then worried about the conflict and their possible bitterness to me. Reluctance to handle the next class of the same audience on the afternoon drove me to nap in order for me to escape from thinking. But one of their classmates woke me up to a conversation and from there I knew a little of their pathetic history and why would they act such behaviors.
Like nothing happened, I managed to play teaching for a little bit while the affected now-mute fellows kept sensing the force-field of uneasiness. For me, I considered it history and I am not taking it personally. I do not give a damn.
But later after that, I was kinda shock but with a twist of “Are you sure?” when he asked for an apology. OK
Happy Birthday, All Soul’s Day
A dual force to make the day uber and got the party started. Well, there was no party to celebrate, only a mere gathering of euphoria, together with some excitements as I welcome another year of my age. Twenty-three was too late for a new and stable career and too early to give up looking and dreaming for greener pastures. I still feel so unproductive, well, in terms of philippine pesos and bank accounts which my noble profession cannot afford to sustain one, even for a birthday party…
The mood could have been too boring for me if the day was not gloomy. Yes, gloomy is my day! I prefer to mush it all out and play play-happy…
Happy Birthday to me. Aside from my family, these are only the three people and or bots who wished me happy birthday which turned out like nothing happened…
- Janice, my college pal and close friend but I dont think we are that close nowadays. Her workaholicness could even prevented me the text greeting she sent to me.
- Dodosmb.com, the only board I tried to keep in touch with; and
- MyAddressBook.com.
