Am I really into career self destruction?

My childhood friend texted me. ‘Hi! How are you? Sorry I just texted you today because I was a little busy.”

But before that, my thoughts was preoccupied of a career move. Dilemma. Self-pity. Hate.

Then I replied, “Oh, what made you so busy right now?”

“I got a job in mepz. Though it’s not minimum [compensation], they [company] have no age limit…”

Pondering. The pursuit of happiness…

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This sudden change in my mood today is not the result of typhoon Frank, who bid my ass goodbye and the M/V Princess of the Stars - whose gigantic state exploded into stardust unto the liquid space. This is nor due to Ces Drilon’s freedom that spurred the entire humanity whether she was raped and if the ransom bills were enough to clothe and hide the mastermind (that is if he got the entire five million fortune).

This is all due to muteness of those words I electronically received. The words that make up the sentence of constructive degradation are so louder than when uttered and expressed with strong feelings. Those words of bewilderment broke my heart and my egoistic self.

I know this feeling is fleeting.

Institutionalizing.

So excited for graduate schooling, I almost missed the first class because I really don’t have any idea as to what room my class would be. I did not dare ask any department assistant before the “Sorry, we are closed”-signed glass door. Instead, I got the wrong bulletin which drove to the nearest internet cafe to check my class schedule online. I left the cafe frustrated and tried my luck back inside the campus.

Finally, after roaming the entire building, I met at the elevator my new classmate/friend, whose acquaintance she created during the enrolment period. If she did not get my attention, I could have missed her – in her formal attire to which she referred to as the get-up she was mistaken to be the teacher of the class by the early-bird classmates (?).

Anyway, she told me our unknown teacher is absent on the first day of our class. That relief was a frustration.

—

P.S. Happy Philippine Independence Day (I almost forgot it’s also Happy Fiesta in Toledo City!)

• Must be
  • Creative
  • Enthusiast
  • Patient
  • Diligent
  • A good dancer
  • A better choreographer (we must defend our crown last year)
• Must provide
  • Own music/rhythm/beat
  • Own stereo (upon availability)
  • Good costume and props design
  • Best make-up (negotiable extra payment)
• Schedule of Practices
  • TBA, usually two-four hours in three-four days per week depending on the progress of the cheerdancers on their dance routines.

You will get Php 3,000 ++ (negotiable)

Qualifications and prices subject to change without prior notice.

I realize that the latest post I made was a month ago, and it seems like there was nothing good happened to me. You might think that I been in a worse condition after ranting about vertigo and scaring-myself-whatnots.

No, I am still alive and kicking (excuse the lame and abused sentence). It’s just that I am too busy doing nothing during my free time, blah, blah… And it looks like I am forced to blog here just for the sake of updating. Hahay!

It is almost midnight.

Goodbye, May. The month was great!

Welcome, June. Spare me blessings!

My life had been pretty terrible last week. It all started with the previous post, where my pity shows of fear combusted the paranoia in me until its flames consumed my innermost feelings of near death threats. That drove me to consult the nearest friendly clinic and chronicle the first-ever consultation of my entire life.

I became (a) patient. I shamelessly confessed my dizzy thoughts and incorporated it to the history of my stupid head accident. The doctor then (examined) looked at the scar covered by my hairy head and without any further ado, she advised me to undergo a skull x-ray and CBC (complete blood count) and gave me her usual scribbled prescription. On her medical speech, she also mentioned about CT scan and other tests God-knows-what, if in cases the advised tests would be negative. Instantaneous relief is what I got after the confession (which made me realize I should also confess all my sins to the priest), but not too long, I was kind of devastated before those succeeding medical terms and medical bills in the future.

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I started to feel dizzy the moment I got up off bed last Saturday morning.

I still felt intermittent dizziness at work.

Dizziness also occurred when I laid down to sleep.

Today, I am “at a place called Vertigo \ It’s everything I wish I didn’t know \ Except you give me something I can feel \ Feel”. Now I am singing with U2.

“Hello! Hello? Are you still at a place called Vertigo?”

I am still in a dizzy mood, and now I am starting to freak out!

Vertigo, a specific type of dizziness, is a major symptom of a balance disorder.

…Vertigo can also be brought on suddenly through various actions or incidents, such as skull fractures or brain trauma, sudden changes of blood pressure, or as a symptom of motion sickness while sailing, riding amusement rides, airplanes or in a motor vehicle.

…Traumatic brain injury (TBI), traumatic injuries to the brain, also called intracranial injury, or simply head injury, occurs when physical trauma causes brain damage.

Source: Wikipedia.

I am also showing signs of Postconcussion Syndrome:

1. Fatigue
2. Sleep Disorder 
3. Headache 
4. Dizziness/Vertigo 
5. Irritability/Aggression

And I am also starting to feel these:

1. Anxiety 
2. Depression/Lability 
3. Personality Changes 
4. Apathy

I am REALLY scared…

Literally.

Sh!t Accident happens. Was I lucky or unlucky?

I lost my balance in the CR and hit my head on a sharp edge. I was drunk. I did not know if I slept or I fainted from the impact. I could not seem to figure out how much time I spent lying in the cr with my head pillowing the edge.

Slash wound on my head. A little blood stain on my pillow when I woke up. I touched my lump (on my head). Blood.

I was still drunk.

I vomitted.

That could have ruined my entire day.

These pictures could not have been taken:

(These are the two of the three falls in Ginatilan, Cebu. They are the Inambakan and Kambugnawan Falls)

When the holy day turns to night, we then flock the street and gather our candles and ready-made torches of dried coconut leaves. The fire would lighten the dark path, which is darker in rural areas where electricity is not yet discovered. The enactment is to commemorate that Jesus once walked with the cross on his shoulders. And every year, we lit the street as believed that He always passes by.